If life came with an instruction manual this would be in it. Page 1, chapter 1, verse 1. Once you have mastered deep frying a turducken, you can cut Percocet out of your Thanksgiving menu.

Again, please remember you are dealing with boiling oil, so wear closed toed shoes and goggles. If that stuff splatters on you, you'll know, as will all the neighbors. Also, use some common sense and don't ever deep fry around anything flammable (i.e. your garage, deck, pile of dried wood chips, etc.).

OK, here we go. How to deep fry a turkey:

1. DO NOT STUFF THE TURKEY
2. Fill your deep fryer less than 2/3 full of water water
3. Drop your turkey into the fryer
4. Add water until the level reaches about 4-5 inches from the top of the fryer
5. Take out the turkey
6. Mark the water level
7. Dump out water
8. Fill fryer with oil up to the mark
9. Pre-heat the oil to 325 degrees and no higher than 350 degrees
10. Using some sort of hanger, SLOWLY lower the turkey into the oil
11. Fry for approximately 3 minutes per pound or until the turkey's temperature reaches 165 degrees

That's it. Carefully take out the turkey, responsibly dispose of the oil, and joy the best turkey you've ever had.